Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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