she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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