we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I need moral support for this bender
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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