Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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