Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize