someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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