just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
