Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
