Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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