I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
