I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She needs sedatives and a leash
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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