we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
