i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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