I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
