he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
