Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
