It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
