He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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