I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
