why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
