I need help removing her.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
