She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
