soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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