Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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