I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
