Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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