for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
