Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
