I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
