when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Ketchup is God's man juice
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
