I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
