I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
