so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
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His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
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All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Panties = found
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