This is not my ceiling
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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