i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
