I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
