so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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