If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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