is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
