I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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