I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
