My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
