I faked an abortion last night.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
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Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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