oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm like, not good at living.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
