I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
