wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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