I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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