The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
