i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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