I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
