if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
