You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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