Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
