He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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