a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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