I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
