I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
try to milk me bitch
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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