like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
