There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
