just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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