Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
