My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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