I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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