I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
