I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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