I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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