Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
