Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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