I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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