Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
