you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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