So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
